How to Help Your Child Cope With Moving (Before, During and After the Transition)

A move, whether across town or across countries, can be an exciting change and a fresh start. For kids, however, a move can be one of the biggest challenges they navigate during their early years. Leaving behind their friends, their school and everything else they’re familiar with can bring about a wide range of emotions for kids and teens. 

Fortunately, there are plenty of strategies for helping your child cope with moving, from the day you first share the news to the moment you take a deep breath and realize you’re officially, happily settled.

The Big Emotions of a Big Move

While you, as a parent, likely understand the “why” behind a move, oftentimes children feel like they have no say in the matter. Suddenly, they’re uprooted from routines they know. And while some kids might react with excitement and optimism, others may feel angry and upset. Some kiddos may wear their heart on their sleeve, while others may withdraw, hiding their emotions as best they can.

On occasion, big emotions may result in physical symptoms, like tummy aches, and “bad” behavior, like acting out, throwing tantrums and regressing in various ways. Some children may experience all of the above, experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions and behaviors. 

Since this is likely one of the biggest transitions of your kid’s life, you’re probably wondering how to help your child cope with change. Acceptance, validation and consistent reassurance are some of the most powerful places to start. While it can feel draining on your own psyche, supporting your child’s social and emotional well-being during a move can have a positive impact on their (and your household’s) overall mental health.

Adjusting to a New School: The Good & The Bad

Does changing schools affect a child? In some instances, yes. But the challenges and opportunities both deserve attention. For kids, their school is one of their primary communities, and walking into a sea of new faces, rules and expectations is a big life change that can feel pretty scary. That said, there are incredible benefits to navigating (and surviving!) their time as “the new kid.”

Common Challenges of Going to a New School

There are plenty of anxieties and worries your child may have about moving to a new school, including, but not limited to:

• Worries about making new friends and fitting in
• Missing the friends and classmates they left behind
• Navigating new expectations and teaching styles
• Learning new routines, like transportation, lunchtime and schedules

All of these concerns are incredibly understandable, so it’s important not to talk them out of their concerns. Instead, try: 

1. Validating how they feel while reminding them of their strengths that make them capable of handling these things. 
2. Reminding them of all the reasons they had friends at their former school, and the things that will make them a wonderful friend at their new school. 
3. Encouraging them to stay in touch with their old friends to still feel socially connected. 
4. Setting realistic goals, like talking to new people without necessarily expecting to meet their very best friend on day one. 
5. Reminding them that any kid navigating this change would feel the same, and that’s also why teachers and classmates will likely be understanding and kind.

The Benefits of Going to a New School

The hard things about adjusting to a new school are valid, but there are positive effects of changing schools, too. It is an invaluable skill to learn how to meet new people and form new relationships with intentionality. This adjustment requires facing their fears and anxieties, which is a huge confidence builder in itself. Your child will also have the invaluable opportunity to meet new people, experience an entirely different community, encounter new perspectives and learn that they are capable of navigating new terrain.

The parental guilt of moving can feel intense, but always remember that your job as a parent is not to protect them from any and all discomfort. Rather, it’s to equip them with the confidence and skills to navigate discomfort, build resilience and come out on the other side better and stronger than ever.

Supporting Your Child Throughout The Move

You’ve got plenty on your plate — from coordinating this family move to setting up housing and navigating your own emotional struggles with the process — but if possible, try not to let those tasks overshadow the importance of preparing and supporting your child through the transition of moving and changing schools. Figuring out how to help your child adjust to moving starts long before the moving truck arrives.

Before the Move

• Have honest conversations. Explain in age-appropriate terms why you’ve made this decision. Allow your kids to ask questions, and be willing to answer them. This transparency helps your child to feel more included and valued throughout this process.
• Allow age-appropriate decision-making. There are so many aspects of the move that your child will have zero say in, so give them some decision-making power whenever possible. What do they want to pack first? What do they want in their travel bag for the road or flight? What color do they want to paint their new room? Help them feel like they have autonomy and agency in as many ways as possible.
• Get them excited! What is the coolest thing about your new town, such as local parks or amazing museums? What awesome traditions does their new school have? What’s the best part about your new house? Show them pictures, tell stories and share your own enthusiasm and excitement for the move. Give them things to look forward to.

During the Move

• Keep a comfort bag with them. Pack their favorite stuffies, snacks, clothing, books and other comfort items in a bag that they can carry with them from start to finish.
• Let them help when possible. They may not be the quickest or most organized packer or unpacker, but it’s important they have the opportunity to help. Maybe you allow them to carry lightweight boxes, organize their new bookshelf or bubble wrap dishes. If they show interest in helping, let them.
• Make room for their emotions. If they have a complete meltdown while you pull out of your driveway, let them. If you’re on cloud nine en route to your new home but they’re screaming about their anger and disappointment, that’s OK. Remind them that there is room for every emotion they have, but that same philosophy doesn’t apply to all behaviors. 
• Incorporate FUN whenever you can. Is there a cool attraction on the way to your new home? Do they have a favorite singer that you can blast as you drive? Can you stop at yummy restaurants and fun playgrounds? The more positive experiences you can incorporate into the moving process, the better.

Navigating the Aftermath of a Move

You’ve reached your destination – hooray! While the manual labor of moving day may be behind you, there are still important things to do to help your children adjust to their new home.

Young Children

While it’s easier said than done, the more you can lean into structure, predictable routines and restore a sense of normalcy, the better. Try to maintain your normal bedtime and mealtime routines even when the rest of your life is chaos. Prioritize unpacking their new bedroom so they have their familiar items around them. Recognize that there will inevitably be some changes in mood and behavior, so take some deep breaths and regulate your own emotions, so you can meet them with compassion and patience.

Elementary Age

While predictability and routine is also important for elementary age kids, they may also have an increased need for social opportunities and new friendships. Find ways for them to be around kids of a similar age, whether it’s structured extracurricular activities or community events. 

Then, celebrate their achievements — from saying “hi” to another kid at the library or completing their first day of school. Allow them to share their feelings, while reminding them of their strength.

Teenagers

During adolescence, friendships are everything. Allow your teen to grieve their friends they miss and encourage them to stay in touch through calls, texts and FaceTimes. Encourage them to explore the community – independently or at your side – and find potential for new friends and social opportunities. Check in with them, and validate that this adjustment is not always easy or fun, but their new life can be.

Helping Your Child Adjust to a New School

Wondering how to cope with moving to a new school as a family? There are several ways to set your child up for success.

Visit the School Before Their First Day

The unknown is often the scariest thing. If possible, visit your child’s new school prior to their first day so they have a better idea of what to expect. Visit their classroom(s), take a look at the cafeteria, locate their locker and help them create a mental picture of their new academic home.

Form Relationships with Their Teachers

If possible, getting to know your child’s teacher(s) can help you feel like a united front as they’re starting a new school. Let them know if your child is particularly anxious or fearful, and offer them ideas for how to help. Open the lines of communication so their teacher can let you know if they see anything worrying. 

Set Them Up with Extracurricular Activities

Give them any chance to meet like-minded peers, whether it’s an afterschool chess club or a competitive sports team. Don’t overbook them, but give them ample opportunity to connect with potential friends outside the regimented environment of school. 

Befriend Fellow Parents

Start creating the village! Chat up other parents at school pick-up or around the neighborhood. Plan family gatherings so your kids have a chance to socialize with their children and you begin to feel connected to the community. Model to your kids what it looks like to be a social go-getter, and invest in relationships in your new home.

Create a Comfortable Home with CORT Furniture Rental

When everything else is changing, home should feel stable as quickly as possible. CORT Furniture Rental can help your family get settled fast, including getting the kids’ rooms set up and ready before the first day of school. With delivery and setup included, one part of the move takes care of itself. Get started online or find a showroom near you.